Security versus Opportunity

In my experience, most women (certainly not all, but most) are security oriented. Research from big-brained scientists at leading universities, think tanks, and marketing institutes confirm this. They value stability and safety more than obscene amounts of wealth.

Men, of course, are just the opposite. We value obscene anything. We are opportunity oriented. Any opportunity to get to the top- of our sport, of our work, in our love lives- gives us a chance to be the alpha male. Snort, snort.

There are probably good evolutionary reasons for this difference between men and women, though it's hard to know if it is nature or nurture that make us different. It doesn't matter, really. My point here is that being security oriented means that you will be a better risk manager, but you may leave a lot of money on the table. Being opportunity oriented means you will squeeze out the last dollar from every venture, but there is a real risk of hanging on too long and losing everything (as I did in 2008, when I watched our 401k retirement drop 50% before I switched to bonds. Doh!).

There is a time and place for both strategies, but for some reason, women mainly latch on to one, and rarely explore the other. Men are more likely to do both, in my experience. It's good for girls to learn to take chances and explore opportunities in life. Travel, dating, and entrepreneurship are examples of exploring.

Later in the book, I say "Don't predict; measure." By that, I mean try lots of different opportunities, but without risking your whole future. In so doing, you'll see what works and what doesn't, and you'll make the most of promising opportunities.

Nine out of Ten

Someone once said, "The answer to nine out of ten of life's questions is 'money'." It's hard to dispute.

Money is not the answer to everything, but it answers a lot. Having enough money lets you do what you want to do rather than just what you must do to stay alive. The more money you have, the further up Maslow's pyramid you can climb.

Sidebar

Wait. Actually, you don't need money. If you live like a monk, without any attachment to external things or people, and willing to drift from place to place, like Kwai Chang Cain on the TV show Kung Fu (look it up), then you can get by without it. Trust me, though, by age 29, you'll be very tired of this lifestyle. I did it for a couple of years in England, and it was (a) exciting, (b) fun, (c) trying, then finally (d) frustrating. When I finished my year of study in Leeds, I stayed there to pursue my dream of becoming a superstar musician. I had met a major label producer who liked my songs, and wanted to record me, for free, and helped hook me up with a major festival gig. I found other musicians who really liked my music, and off we went.

Except in the meantime, I had to pay the rent. For four months, I slept on the bass player's couch. I worked day labor jobs, the only work I could get without a work permit. Mind you, I had two master's degrees, and was working construction, demolition, janitorial, or whatever unskilled, cash-paying jobs I could get under the radar. I finally could afford my own place, but it was very, very hard work, especially since I was fast approaching 30, and my body took longer to recover than it did at 18. This went on for two years or so.

When I could not take it anymore, I took a chance doing office temp work, eventually leading to starting my own consulting business in the UK. Life was much better after that! Being a starving artist, or starving anything, sounds much more romantic than it is. I don't recommend it. At least not for long.

Debt Balls

Okay, so if you participate in our Western materialistic society to any degree at all, you are going to need money. The occidental route to monk-like existence comes from Ben Franklin: don't pay too much for your whistle. Don't get bound up in debt, unless it's something you really, really want (like a house). Understand the impacts that it will have on your life and mobility. In short, understand that debt itself is an iron ball and chain that you drag around with you. The more you have, the less you can run.

Some liberal youngsters view money as evil. It's not. It's freedom. Do not value it over your relationships with others, or your own morals, but give it the proper respect. Mastering money early in life, when it's easiest, opens the door to all your childhood dreams.

Career Intertia

Every minute you spend working at something that you do NOT want to do for the rest of your life, something that does NOT inspire you, something that is NOT your life's purpose makes it harder for you to pull away and do that, once you discover it. Why? Simple economics. First, you're getting a paycheck. Second, if you spend 10 years working for a corporation, then you are developing deep expertise at that particular job. Third, the opportunity costs of that job are all the other things you could have been learning during that time (working 40 hours a week leaves little time for learning other things). I call this "career inertia". A body at rest stays at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force (like the company laying you off).

Eventually you'll get bored and frustrated, and will look for something else to do. You'll start by examining your skill sets, you'll find that, by far, you're overwhelmingly qualified to do what you're doing right now, and nothing else. You will probably have started putting down roots, accumulating friends, perhaps a family, schools, lifestyle, and stuff, like car payments, rent, and mrotgages. And if you're like most Americans, you haven't saved much (or any) money. This makes changing jobs harder, because now you'll need immediate income when you quit.

So, by doing something you don't love, you are sacrificing the ability to become expert at what you do love. It's easier to avoid this in your early years (18-30) than in your later years. To avoid career interia:

1. Avoid debt as much as possible, and live beneath your means.
2. Work all the time at achieving your ultimate goals. Even a little work is okay. Push that acorn up the hill.
3. Be prepared to go where your goals take you, even if you leave behind some friends. It's easier than ever to stay connected.

CONCLUSION: Keep narrowing your "career cone" by moving towards your goal, even a little bit, all the time. Don't get stuck in jobs you hate.

Health

I'm 42 years old as I write this. I feel every creak in my bones these days. When I was eighteen, I never creaked at all! I've seen a lot of good people leave this world, some as young as 10 years old, others 90 going on 25. Some never even had a chance at all.

Death and serious illness or incapacity will snap your head around, and put life in sharp relief for you: all the money in the world cannot substitute for your health, or the health of those you love. I have had some close calls on both counts; some we won, some we lost. I cannot tell you how much it would mean to me for my father to know my daughters, and to enjoy them growing up before our eyes.

Health is the most important of the three pillars. It's like the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy. Without your health, everything else that you do or gain will seem trivial.

Input

Your fitness depends mainly on two things: input and output. Everything you put in your body is a drug. Or more accurately, everything is a chemical. We tend to think of drugs as artificial chemicals and food as healthy plants and animals, but in this age of processing, the difference is not as great as you think. In the end, it's all fuel for your body to consume, one way or the other- directly into your bloodstream, through the skin (like sunlight, which breaks down Vitamin D), or via the digestive tract. Choose wisely what you put into it.

Mary and I saw a Las Vegas comedian once who asked, "If you eat a ton of broccoli, how much will you weigh? Answer: a ton." A vegetarian diet is no promise of healthy living. I've known plenty of overweight and/or malnourished vegetarians. There are many diet and fitness gurus out there, tons of books and Websites, and lots of mystery foods and supplements claiming to offer miraculous benefits. Be suspicious. Do your homework. Find sources you trust, and even check on them. It's pretty easy to stay away from cigarettes, alcohol, and recreational drugs. It's a lot harder to stay away from chocolate (ask me, I know!).

Output

The formula for weight loss is: burn more than you eat. That means exercise, if you've already put on some extra fat. But it does not have to mean a gym, or hours of running. Simple walking will do. In truth, input (diet) is much more vital than output. You can save yourself hours of time at the gym- time you could spend doing other things- if you will just eat sensibly. If you are eating maintenance-level calories (about 1,400 for women and 1,900 for men), then just walking for 15 minutes a day in sunlight can do wonders for you. Add a quick routine of push-ups, squats (no weights), and sit-ups, plus a minute of stretching, and you can tone while you lose weight, limber up, and build strength.

Skeptical? Try it. Those same exercises are what the Marines primarily use to train their recruits. And pro athletes like Herschel Walker never set foot in the weight room after becoming an NFL running back. But he did do 1,000 sit-ups, 3,000 push-ups, 500 squats, and ran 5 miles every day.

To my daughters, to make much of time

About a year ago, I started writing a book called How to Quit Your Day Job. I have not finished it yet, because, um, I have not yet quit my day job.

Well, I have and I haven't. I am self-employed, having left my job of seven years to be a full-time actor on the Fox TV show Prison Break. But once that gig ended, I returned to my former employer as a freelance consultant.

But whatever. The point is, I was writing this book. I have great ideas about how other people should focus their lives and careers. Other people. But me, not so much. I am Mr. Career Schizophrenia. I never want to feel like I have left money on the table by walking away from a business opportunity. Having multiple talents is a blessing and a curse. It certainly makes it easier to make a living, but makes it harder to focus on any one thing (at least for me).

And focus is, in my humble opinion, perhaps the key ingredient to insanely great success. Everything else is distraction, period.

So, back to the book. As I wrote the book, it evolved from just a simple career guide to a more "how to live your life" guide, thanks to my conversations with friends and colleagues who were undergoing the same mid-life career crisis that I was: trying to find their true calling and go after it, despite the wife, kids, and mortgages.

During all the introspection inherent in this process, I realized that there are really only three (3) things that I need my daughter to learn about:

1. Health
2. Spirituality
3. Money.

That's it. Everything else is an offshoot of one of those three. What's more, my faith in the public school system's ability to teach these things (heck, to teach anything!) is rapidly eroding. I earned three degrees, including two master's degrees. I understand what college does and does not do for you. Most of what my daughter needs to learn will come from her mother and I, not school.

Well, if we are going to teach her, I realized, then we need a textbook. Aaaaaaaaand, we're back to the book. The book, currently titled Notes to my Daughter: How to have the life you want, is what the book has evolved to.

Recognizing that I am not supremely qualified in all (any?) of the above areas, I have enlisted the help of others whom I consider to be experts. Some of them may be famous, others not, but they are all people whose opinions I respect, and so I have distilled and included them in the book.

Hopefully it will prove a lot more useful to her than analytic geometry did for me.

UPDATE: Since writing this post, we've been blessed with a second beautiful daughter, Madeleine. So Notes to My Daughter becomes plural. We'll test everything out on Danielle, and then Madeleine can benefit from the second edition. ;-)